2012 - The Year of the Dragon!

The stars say it's my year to shine! I'm glad they're on my side because I have every intention on making this one of the greatest years of my life in all aspects! The last dragon year held so many unbelievable blessings I am still in awe of how the universe works. All that glitters is gold. Only shooting stars break the mold!

Letting Go

Part of letting go means you have to erase some of the harsh words and mean spirited actions that were directed toward you.... so today I am letting go of one thing - throwing it out to the universe... and honestly, i have no idea why it bugs me but it does... but one of our last arguments he told me his best friend and best friends family never did like me - they thought i was difficult. I have no idea what i ever did to them except welcome them in my home when they came, offered food & a place to stay in the spirit of hospitality as was taught to me by my mom. I guess sometimes when you share smiles and laughter with people it isn't always real. Disillusion.

False Starts False

And did I tell you we finally started our FTTH project? Yes, 17 (SEVENTEEN) months later... After a long painful process peppered with false starts and high hopes we are finally back at the start line ready to roll. Proof that the universe still intends to shower me with blessings.

It's not complicated

The bad part about being strong for so many years is it freaks people out when they see a moment of weakness. I've cried almost every single day for the last few months. I guess they're not used to it so they're trying to "figure me out" like I'm not allowed to have feelings. My BFF thinks it's loneliness. My sisters think it's my ego. My neices don't understand it. My mom - at least she gets me (I love her). Why can't they understand that I was in love? What's so hard about that? Sheesh.

Trending

. . . dolo . . .

There's nothing worse than . . .

going to bed alone.
waking up alone .
eating lunch alone .
shopping for dinner alone .
making week-end plans alone .

all for the first time in years.

Still in limbo

I didn't mean to be here so long.

In Memory of My Brother George

Yesterday was the second hardest day of the year. The first hardest day was May 13, 2010 when we heard the tragic news of my brother's death. Since then I've gone over every moment, every experience, every day we had together on this earth. I can't even count how many days I spent in a fog - lost - going through the motions of life, but unable to cope with the grief, loss, and pain of a losing my brother.

When we were kids he taught me how to clean my own fish, scramble eggs, and make fry bread wrong. I still have the scar on my right wrist from that day when the grease splashed on me.

We used to go fishing, play stick game, ride bikes, play baseball, and tell ghost stories outside at night.

When we were teenagers he taught me that you're never too young to work hard and earn your own way. Following his path, I started working since I was 13.

As adults, he was always the most successful, demonstrating to the rest of us that it is possible to start at the bottom and work your way up. He was still in his 20's when he was promoted to manager of a company he worked for. They relocated him to California, where he was robbed at gunpoint - twice. While the family was worried and wanted him to come home, he stayed and continued to work hard and do his best.

He taught me the value of being fearless and independent, and he has always been the example I used for my own children to look up to.

His life was much more than anything I can put into words. He was a loving brother, great teacher, hard worker, and all around athlete.

When I got the call that he took his own life I drove around for a long time and cried... asking him why? Why? Didn't he think about us?

In a strange moment that I can't explain, he somehow reached out to me and simply said "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it."

I know brother, I know.

Missing Missy

When communication wires get crossed....

The good, the bad and the ugly of home remodeling

Video or slide show COMING SOON! See the posts and slide shows below for a sneak preview!